Useless
by JDHGamer
Summary: This is a songfic, I think...I wrote the lyrics, to be sung by Linkin Park. I have 3 chapters explaining it and trying to make it into an actual fanfic! So read them all and review!
1. Song

"Useless"  
By Deejay Gamer  
(Written as if it were to be sung by Linkin Park Feat. Deejay Gamer)  
  
  
[Mike]  
I live without love  
[Deejay]  
I live without hate  
[Mike]  
I live without caring  
[Deejay]  
I live without sharing  
I live without living  
[Mike]  
So much taken  
Not much given  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
But why  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
I'd rather die  
Because  
  
[Chester]  
I can never live the way I want to  
I'm useless  
So useless  
  
Everything I do is to please you  
I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
[Mike]  
You love her more than me  
Now I can never feel free  
[Deejay]  
I just can't please you  
You wont get a clue  
[Mike]  
You use me  
[Deejay]  
Abuse me  
[Mike]  
But I don't care  
[Deejay]  
Even though this burden  
Feels like too much to bear  
Now with all you've put me through  
[Mike]  
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!  
  
[Chester]  
You thought you could abandon me  
Now I'm useless  
So useless  
  
Now you take advantage of me  
But I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
[Mike]  
Why do you make me feel this way?  
Like I just can't stand another day?  
[Deejay]  
I want to be loved  
I want someone to care  
[Mike]  
I don't like to be shoved  
Not here, not anywhere  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
But why  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
I'd rather die  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
And I cry  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
I wonder why  
  
[Chester]  
Why I can never live the way I want to  
I'm useless  
So useless  
  
Why everything I do is to please you  
I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
Why you thought you could abandon me  
Now I'm useless  
So useless  
  
And now you take advantage of me  
But I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
[Mike]  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
[Deejay]  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
  
[Chester]  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
[Deejay]  
I hate!   
[Mike]   
I hate!  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
[Deejay]   
It's you that I hate!  
  
[Chester]  
Maybe I'm letting this get to my head  
I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
Somehow I think I'm better off dead  
Because I'm useless  
So useless  
[Deejay & Chester]  
I'm useless... 


	2. Commentary

Did I not explain thoroughly enough that this song is (in it's context) written by Shinji Ikari? Okay, maybe not…so I'll go in and give you a detailed commentary on the lyrics, and their meaning, and how they relate to NGE.  
This is about Shinji's inner struggle and angst. Although it makes no direct references, it still is essentially about him.  
  
  
"Useless"  
By Deejay Gamer  
(Written as if it were to be sung by Linkin Park Feat. Deejay Gamer)  
  
Comment: Okay, I just thought that since Linkin Park is the king of angst (in my opinion, anyway), they would be perfect to sing just about any song relating to Shinji Ikari. I added myself in because I wrote the song, so I think I deserve to at least be in it to a degree.  
  
[Mike]  
I live without love  
[Deejay]  
I live without hate  
[Mike]  
I live without caring  
[Deejay]  
I live without sharing  
I live without living  
[Mike]  
So much taken  
Not much given  
  
Comment: This part talks about how Shinji tries to just let his life pass by as it does, he feels that it's futile to try and control it. He doesn't interact with anyone or do anything important, and he doesn't really care much for emotion. The only emotion he does feel to a degree is sadness and depression, which are the only things he's felt as of late, so to a degree he tries to phase out all emotion just so he can't feel the painful ones.  
  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
But why  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
I'd rather die  
Because  
  
Comment: This is Shinji questioning his existence, enough said.  
  
[Chester]  
I can never live the way I want to  
I'm useless  
So useless  
  
Everything I do is to please you  
I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
Comment: The title of the song was inspired, to my memory, by something that the creator of Evangelion said in the manga. He said something to the effect of that Shinji feels useless, so I made this the theme of the song. Also. I'd like to comment on the flexibility of the chorus, as you've probably noticed it changes through the song, I think there are about three different versions, and at a point in the song, the first two are repeated in succession. This version talks about how Shinji thinks he's useless to himself, and doesn't have any control over his own life, mainly because he willingly gave it up long ago, but now he kind of wants it back, but the part of him that gave it up in the first place, I believe, is fighting the side that wants it back. Shinji also seems to prefer just not bothering with this kind of battle in his mind, so he ends it at a draw or something. I'm tending to go into detail far beyond the context of the song, but I guess it's okay, because it dwells deep into his character, or something…no harm to taking my comments beyond the song, just as long as I don't lose context completely. Anyway, that's all for this comment.  
  
[Mike]  
You love her more than me  
  
Comment: This is the single most direct reference to the anime, it refers to Rei's relationship with Shinji's father, and how he feels it's unfair.  
  
Now I can never feel free  
[Deejay]  
I just can't please you  
You wont get a clue  
[Mike]  
You use me  
[Deejay]  
Abuse me  
[Mike]  
But I don't care  
[Deejay]  
Even though this burden  
Feels like too much to bear  
Now with all you've put me through  
[Mike]  
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!  
  
Comment: This is where we point out the obvious, Shinji hates his father! lol, seriously though…it's true.  
  
[Chester]  
You thought you could abandon me  
Now I'm useless  
So useless  
  
Now you take advantage of me  
But I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
Comment: This in a way works off the theme mentioned earlier, that Shinji hates his father, this explains the reasons. In fact, each chorus, and likely the entire song is like a letter from Shinji to his father in the form of a song. Of course, it would be out of character for Shinji to admit to all of this, but it's still true within his being, and this song is more about Shinji's unheard thoughts about his father.  
  
[Mike]  
Why do you make me feel this way?  
Like I just can't stand another day?  
  
Comment: This is one of the parts of the song that explores Shinji's semi-suicidalness.  
  
[Deejay]  
I want to be loved  
I want someone to care  
  
Comment: This is a sonnet form, very uniquely put together so that there is a cooperation of sorts between the two rappers. As far as meaning goes, these first two lines talk about how Shinji wants emotional connection, but has lived so long without it that he fears it's not possible.  
  
[Mike]  
I don't like to be shoved  
Not here, not anywhere  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
But why  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
I'd rather die  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
And I cry  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
I wonder why  
  
Comment: The final part is a call back to the first "verse" of the song, where I say "I live" and Mike makes various comments about life, of course all from the viewpoint of Shinji.  
  
[Chester]  
Why I can never live the way I want to  
I'm useless  
So useless  
  
Why everything I do is to please you  
I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
Why you thought you could abandon me  
Now I'm useless  
So useless  
  
And now you take advantage of me  
But I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
Comment: Here's the callback to the first two choruses that I mentioned earlier. Since I've already explained them, there's no need to explain them again.  
  
[Mike]  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
[Deejay]  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
  
[Chester]  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
[Deejay]  
I hate!   
[Mike]   
I hate!  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
[Deejay]   
It's you that I hate!  
  
Comment: This is yet another reference to the hate emotion being focused on Shinji's father. This is a bit more on the subject of Shinji's discovery of his hatred to his father.  
  
[Chester]  
Maybe I'm letting this get to my head  
I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
Somehow I think I'm better off dead  
Because I'm useless  
So useless  
[Deejay & Chester]  
I'm useless...  
  
Comment: The final part is probably the only time I'd sing, if all in the song, but this is yet another reference to suicidal thought…I suppose this final chorus in the sense that it's the suicidal thoughts to himself as opposed to his hatred thoughts towards his father.  
  
Final Comments: There are basically three to four in this song, all of which I've dissected while commenting, so I'll share them now (and this is the first major analysis I've done of one of my songs, I'd also like to add that I didn't really think of these elements and everything I've commented [just some of the things] when I wrote the song).  
  
Suicide, and/or uselessness to himself: This could be counted as one or two elements, in any case they are connected to one another, he feels that he doesn't make an impact on himself, or the people around him, at least not emotionally.  
  
Basic Needs: He wants to be loved, he wants to be liked, but his fear of getting hurt always gets in the way, this fear is so intense you could call it a phobia. He wants positive emotions, but knows that with positive emotions can come negative ones, so he tries to live a neutral existence, devoid of any real emotion, but this in and of it self brings painful emotions, but he's got caught in this pattern, and it's hard to get out.  
  
Hatred towards his father: He hates his father, he hates the way he doesn't feel loved by his father, he hates the way his father seems to love Rei more than him, he hates the way his father abandoned him and now wants him to do work for him. There are so many reasons, and so little time to list them, so I wont even try to go on.  
  
So, this song is really about Shinji's feelings, I'm surprised that one reviewer wasn't able to see that, I hope that if this reviewer comes back and reads this second part, he may gain an understanding of this song's relation to Neon Genesis Evangelion and Shinji in particular. 


	3. Music Video

"Useless" The Music Video  
  
Mike: So your Shinji Ikari?  
Shinji: ...  
Mike: You really are the silent type, the exact oposite of Chester.  
Chester: I heard that!  
Shinji: ...  
Deejay: So, um Rei...want to go out some time?  
Rei: ...  
Deejay: Why aren't these characters saying anything?  
Sound Tenchnician: Well, either they're in inner-thought...or the voice-over guys haven't arrived yet.  
Voice Over Guys (at once): Sorry we're late!  
Deejay: So what about that question I just asked you?  
Rei: I'll think about it...  
Deejay: Yahoo.com!  
Chester: So is Shinji here gonna talk or what?  
Shinji: ...  
Mike: Waddaya know, he still ain't talking. Hey, Shinji voice over guy, what's going on?  
Shinji's Voiceover: He's thinking...  
Deejay: Well put on the thinking transmitter!  
Thinking Transmitter Tenchinican: Well, I have to channel it through you guys...  
Deejay: Why?  
Technician: Because that's the point of the whole music video thing...  
Deejay: Oh yeah! I forgot, we go into his thoughts and like...sing and stuff...we're Gendo Ikari?  
Technician: In the green screen room, where you all should be.  
(They all move off, Shinji follows, his head low...)  
Technician: No, you stay here...  
Shinji: Okay...  
(He stands there, a chair comes up, a spotlight shines on him, he sits down and puts his head in his hands. We zoom into his head...and we fade into the inside, where he is still sitting, but surrounded by memories and people he knows, plus of course Deejay Gamer, Mike Shinoda, and Chester. They begin to sing as the memories come to life in the background.)  
  
[Mike]  
I live without love  
[Deejay]  
I live without hate  
[Mike]  
I live without caring  
[Deejay]  
I live without sharing  
I live without living  
[Mike]  
So much taken  
Not much given  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
But why  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
I'd rather die  
Because  
  
(Shinji falls off the chair and into a void, he continues his decent as memories fly by and Chester stands to the side of the falling Shinji)  
  
[Chester]  
I can never live the way I want to  
I'm useless  
So useless  
  
Everything I do is to please you  
I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
(Shinji falls down, Chester continues moving down, Shinji sees Gendo and Rei talking with a spotlight on them in the distance as Mike and Deejay pop into the foreground)  
  
[Mike]  
You love her more than me  
Now I can never feel free  
[Deejay]  
I just can't please you  
You wont get a clue  
[Mike]  
You use me  
[Deejay]  
Abuse me  
[Mike]  
But I don't care  
[Deejay]  
Even though this burden  
Feels like too much to bear  
Now with all you've put me through  
[Mike]  
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!  
  
(We xtreme zoom into Gendo, then zoom out to see Chester)  
  
[Chester]  
You thought you could abandon me  
Now I'm useless  
So useless  
  
Now you take advantage of me  
But I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
(Shinji runs, memories zipping past, Mike and Deejay spin around in the foreground)  
  
[Mike]  
Why do you make me feel this way?  
Like I just can't stand another day?  
[Deejay]  
I want to be loved  
I want someone to care  
[Mike]  
I don't like to be shoved  
Not here, not anywhere  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
But why  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
I'd rather die  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
And I cry  
[Deejay]  
I live  
[Mike]  
I wonder why  
  
(Mike and Deejay spin and disapear, the cycle of the spin finishes and Chester comes around)  
  
[Chester]  
Why I can never live the way I want to  
I'm useless  
So useless  
  
Why everything I do is to please you  
I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
Why you thought you could abandon me  
Now I'm useless  
So useless  
  
And now you take advantage of me  
But I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
(They all stand in a spotlight as we switch between shots of them singing and Shinji looking like he's about to lose control, standing in front of a mirror, instead of his reflection, he sees his father in the mirror)  
  
[Mike]  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
[Deejay]  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
  
[Chester]  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
[Deejay]  
I hate!   
[Mike]   
I hate!  
I'm not getting anywhere at this rate  
Now I'm finding that it's you I hate  
[Deejay]   
It's you that I hate!  
  
(Shinji punches the mirror and it shatters into a million pieces. We see his hand is now bloodied)  
  
[Chester]  
Maybe I'm letting this get to my head  
I'm useless  
Just useless  
  
Somehow I think I'm better off dead  
Because I'm useless  
So useless  
[Deejay & Chester]  
I'm useless...  
  
(We zoom out and see Shinji raise his head, a tear going down his check, we fade to black...) 


	4. The Making of...

The Making of "Useless"  
Including Interviews With Those Involved with the Song  
  
Shinji Ikari: I was a BIG fan of Linkin Park, I was in their fan club and everything, and when I wrote these lyrics and posted them on their message boards, somehow they caught wind of it and decided they just had to do this song. Of course, I can't sing, but I couldn't turn it down…but before the music video, I was really nervous, I had to keep thinking "I musn't run away, I musn't run away…", but in the end (no pun intended), it turned out to not be so bad, it was kind of cool, actually. Since I couldn't sing, they brought in this guy called Deejay Gamer.  
  
Deejay: Well, I had been friends with Linkin Park, and finally they gave into my pleas to do a feature in one of their songs. This song was completely brilliant, and according to Shinji, actually based on his life, so we just had to get all those people he mentioned indirectly in his song, since I was also the director of this music video, something I've always wanted to do. It was good having my say in everything; of course, the band had its say as well, of course.  
  
Gendo: I was quite surprised by my son's openness in his lyrics…not that I'm proud of him about it…I mean…if I started being actually PROUD of him, that would be out of character, and then the song wouldn't mean anything anymore.  
  
Interviewer: What about those rumors about the Human Instrumentality Project?  
  
Gendo: False, completely false.  
  
Rei: Well…Shinji doesn't seem to like his father that much…and he doesn't seem to think that it's fair that he treats me better than he treats him…and he said something to me about my monotone voice driving him insane…very strange boy.  
  
Interviewer: Is it true that you're a clone of Shinji's late mother?  
  
Rei: Gendo told me to give no comment on that matter.  
  
Chester: We know good lyrics when we see them, and Shinji's where just awesome. It also gave me a nice chorus where I could scream. Deejay insisted that he also scream one line of part of the song. I was okay with that; I got plenty of screaming stuff already.  
  
Mike: Chester…he likes to scream…not sure why. I, well…I like to rap while moving my hands around in interesting directions, I guess that's my quirk. Deejay…I think his quirk is that he has an…how should I put it-unusual sense of humor. He also likes to scream, rap, and wave his arms around, but I think that's his way of making fun of us.  
  
Interviewer: Are you making fun of them with the screaming and arm motions?  
  
Deejay: Maybe…  
  
Interviewer: Asuka, do you have any comment about the fact that you weren't in the music video aside from a few memories?  
  
Asuka: Oh, they just took some footage from his life; I thought this could be a way to break into Hollywood, but the actual music video green screen thing I decided against, because Shinji is such an idiot.  
  
Interviewer: Why do you think everyone else seems to think he's a brilliant songwriter?  
  
Asuka: When it comes to writing songs, he's not stupid…with everything else, he's a real dumbass.  
  
Interviewer: Why do you think Asuka thinks you're a dumbass?  
  
Shinji: Because she really loves me and just hides it by acting like she hates me.  
  
Interviewer: Maybe you are a dumbass, after all. Why do you think I'm saying that?  
  
Shinji: Deejay, this is the last time I have you interview me.  
  
Interviewer: Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.  
  
Rei: Shinji has a good heart, he's a bit like Forest Gump, all he needs is the southern accent and to say…  
  
Shinji (with a southern accent): Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.  
  
Rei: …just like that.  
  
Asuka: Do I LOVE him? Are you kidding?!…OF COURSE I LOVE THAT ADORABLE LITTLE IDIOT!!!  
  
Gendo: Personally, I don't give a rat's ass.  
  
Chester: And there you have it. 


End file.
